why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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