Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
