Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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