I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
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I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
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Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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