I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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