# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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