Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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