The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
