I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
