I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
