i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
