I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
