i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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