I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
