he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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