$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
