dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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