I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
