I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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