If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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