sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
