i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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