4 words: hood of his car
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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