Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
