look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
