Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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