Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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