So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
