like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
