I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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