the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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