it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
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WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
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After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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