Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I would ride that face into the sunset
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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