you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
