8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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