Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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