From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
