YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
