I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
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While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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