between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
