So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you will always have a special place in my vag
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
