My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
