Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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