the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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