remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
