i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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