She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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