so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
