Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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