dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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