I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
