Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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