my phone needs a breathalizer
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
