Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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