There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
