I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
...so i touched it.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Randomize
