We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
