I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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