I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
this is an emotional support booty call
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
