What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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