My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Panties = found
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
