She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
