Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
That's intense
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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