yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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