so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
