Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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