May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
