I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
