do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
