I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
